ChiAn refused to change for anyone

                                 --By ChiAn

                     If I change, what would I become?
                               I don't know,
                              If flowers die,
                  In Arabian vases with cat tail handles,
                          There, I would hold on,
              You look so much older than your age, she said.

              Wouldn't you if you were I? I forgot to respond,
                 Being loveless would do that to a person,
                 No matter how young, no matter how behind.
                     If I change, what would I become?
                   Younger? Smarter? Friendlier? Louder?
                  It's alright if you don't like my voice.
                               Neither do I.
                 It's alright if you don't like my habits.
                               Neither do I.
                 It's alright if you don't like my tattoos.
                               Neither do I.
                  It's alright if you don't like my songs.
                               Neither do I.
                     Disappointment is but an illusion,
                        Expectations but toothaches,
                  I'm a bohemian and I will be till I die.
                    I live for no one, I die for no one.
                    Alone I have come, alone I shall go.

                   What will refinement or polishing do,
                   But destroy the character of my being?
               I'm no shoeshine boy! I don't write to please!
                  I don't want to be the best, just true.
             I'm vulgar, I'm repulsive, and I not worth a dime,
                    And for integrity, I will not waver,
                      Lest I cannot recognize myself.
                 If I'm unacceptable now, I will never be.
                      It's all a mistake, that's all!
               This life I never wanted, talent I have none,
                 Self-deceit a dozen, fighting for nothing
             More than my mirror image, dampening your spirits,
               I'm sorry. I have told you earlier, haven't I?
                 Don't have faith in me because I'm a worm.
                              Maybe less. See?
                     I will never belong to your clan.
                     It's too proper, too vain for me.
                     If I change, what would I become?
                  A pseudo socialite? A rocket scientist?
                No! No! No! A thousand times I will repeat.

                I will rather be a dinosaur than an emperor,
                I will rather be a vagabond than a dentist,
                   I will rather be a toad than a prince,
                       I will rather die for freedom,
                        Than to live in confinement,
                      In the shadows of plaster people
                         Going in the main stream,
               To feel more secure about what they are doing,
                  Because they are afraid to stand alone,
               I'm not going to bend; I'm not going to mend,
                  For my work is more important than gold,
            Bullions of them I would throw in the water's edge,
                  My words shall be published as they are,
                           Or be buried with me,
                           In the gutter of fire.

下一章 回目录