(五十一) 那晚的夜色一如华丽而伤感的威尼斯,我们坐在东湖边的石凳上,对着幽冷深 邃的湖水,我沿着上次的路径,解开了那个遗留下来的连环。我像竹筒里倒豆子一 样把我过往所有的故事所有的生活一粒不剩的倒在他面前,像要等待他的检阅等待 他的审批。 我想即使他不能理解不能包容,我也不会后悔。我从来不会对我所爱的人隐瞒 什么,我以为这就是人们说的坦诚。后来我才知道,我错了。人是不能没有秘密的, 每个人都应该留一些私人空间给自己,说得太多反而是错,坦率并不是人人都能接 受的。还以为语言是最本色的,原来它也需要技巧,偏偏我是个不喜欢也不会讲技 巧的人。 我一直没有看他的表情,但是我的心在跳,我能感觉。 Your questioning eyes are sad . They seek to know my meani ng as the moon would fathom the sea. I have bared my life before your eyes from end to end , w ith nothing hidden or held back . That is why you know me not . If it were only a gem , I could break it into a hundred pieces and string them into a chain to put on your neck . If it were only a flower , round and small and sweet , I c ould pluck it from its stem to set it in your breast. But it is a heart , my beloved . Where are its shores and i ts bottom? You know not the limits of this kingdom , still you are it s king . If it were only a moment of pleasure it would flower in an easy smile ,and you could see it and read it in a moment . If it were merely a pain it would melt in limpid tears , reflecting its inmost secret without a word . But it is love , my beloved . Its pleasure and pain are boundless , and endless its wants and wealth. It is as near to you as your life , but you can never wh olly know it . (你询问的眼睛是悲伤的。它想要探索我心里的意思,正如月亮要探测大海的 深浅。 我已经把我的生活自始至终,全部暴露在你的面前,毫无隐藏,毫无保留。这 就是你为什么不了解我的缘故。 假如它是一块宝石,我就能把它碎成千百颗粒,串成项链,戴在你的脖子上。 假如它是一朵花,圆圆的,玲珑而又芳香,我就能把它从花茎上摘下来,缀在 你的胸前。 然而它是一颗心啊,我亲爱的。哪儿是它的边哪儿是它的底呢? 你不知道这王国的疆界,但你仍是这王国的国王。 假如它是片刻的欢娱,它将在喜笑中开花,你就会立刻看到,立刻懂得了。 假如它是一阵痛苦,它将融化成晶莹的眼泪,不着一字的反映出它最深的秘密。 然而它是爱啊,我亲爱的。 它的欢乐和痛苦是无边的,它的需求和财富是无尽的。 它和你亲近的像你的生命一样,但是你永远不能完全了解它。)